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Published January 25, 2018

I beat Dark Souls. I am now in the gamer hall of fame. Here’s what the 6-hour analysis videos don’t tell you about the game.

1.) IT’S NOT THAT HARD

Dark Souls is a tough video game. But it isn’t the hardest game ever. Far from it. In fact, I thought Bloodborne was much more difficult, due to faster and aggressive enemies. Wielding a two-handed weapon, I took most enemies in Dark Souls down in 2-3 hits. Combat was deliberate and engaging, as it requires spacing, awareness, and great zoning to succeed, but it isn’t unfair. Just take a few swings and don’t be an idiot.

dude in armour 1

2.) IT’S POORLY BALANCED

Magic is ridiculous, but it’s boring, and I couldn’t squeeze that in my 8-hour lore video. Daggers are completely useless. Range and damage are the name of the game. But it’s a single player game so don’t let me influence your decision. Play it however you want. I’m not trying to send messages. I’m not salty because I chose the dagger as my starting weapon, only to find the black knight halberd doing 20x the damage. Nope. Not at all.

A second dude in armour?!?!

3.) IT’S KIND OF UNFINISHED

A lot of the later environments in the game are barebones. Lost Izalith is a land of Listerine with hundreds of dinosaurs around it. It will also destroy your eyesight.

The last level was also kind of weak but really atmospheric so whatever.

4.) DON’T JUST ROLL

Parries are pretty gangster. Do those.

You also get hit with that W H O O S H every time it lands. Once you master these and die about 50 times trying it, they trivialize any humanoid encounter.

5.) DON’T TAKE THE LORE SO SERIOUSLY

Just watch videos online. That’s what I did. It’ll save you so much time. Read item descriptions after that, and it will become clearer to you, and your brain will make its own assumptions and interpretations. Remember, the lore is just flavour text. It isn’t essential to enjoying the game. It’s not the point of Dark Souls.

Oh no, I feel an 8-hour analysis coming…HEL-

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